Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Bringing Sexy Back

I feel sexy. Really sexy...well 99% 90% of the time. So my boobs have a bit of a sag and my nipples no longer point straight ahead. I have a bit of a foopa and a slight jiggle in my hips. I even wake up some mornings shocked to find that my mother's thighs took over mine. But I really do feel sexy. I love every curve of my body(especially the ones created by my minions). I think I even feel sexier than I did in my 20's. I come to work/school and I get complimented on how good I look. My boobs still have admirers! *gasp* Win!  Even my ASS gets a compliment here and there! *yikes* Double win! Most importantly, I get home to a BF who looks at me like he wants to rip my clothes off and touches me as if I were a fine piece of crystal. THAT makes me feel sexier than EVER!!!

So what does make a woman sexy? More importantly what makes a woman FEEL sexy? These are the questions that overcame me one evening when I was drinking heavily feeling exceptionally sexy. So I put it out there to all my tweeps and feeps  fbeeps um, Facebook people. I asked the men, "What makes a woman sexy?" and asked the ladies, "What makes you feel sexy?" The following is a list of responses I got.

Ladies First (obviously):

*nothing, seriously nothing...well maybe vodka.
*shaved legs
*always wearing pretty underwear
*high heels
*high heels in jeans
*being pregnant
*doing my hair and make-up

Men (neanderthal grunt):

*wearing my FD t-shirt
*can hold a conversation
*as long as her bones aren't sticking out we're good
*when she makes the first move

Ummmmmm, so.......obviously women are superficial drunks men don't know what they're talking about. I mean what's more sexy that a drunk woman in heels with her VS underwear on backwards?!?! You men have such a warped sense of sexy. Confidence? That's so 90's! And besides, confidence only comes after a glass of wine or 5. Let me put it to you this way, I put on BF's FD t-shirt the other day. When he got home he told me to take it off as well as the rest of my clothes while I was at it. Obviously a fail. So the next day I wore a dress that hugged my curves while I batted my eyes at him and used my best pick up line "nice shoes, wanna fuck?" Again I was told to take my dress off as well as the rest of my clothes while I was at it.

To further prove my point the next night I had a glass of wine or 5 and stumbled strutted around the house in my heals which I discovered the next day didn't even match. He told me to go to bed already, which I did. I then passed out cold laid there in bed in my pretty VS underwear as he resumed playing Black Ops on the Xbox.

So there you have it, men obviously have no idea what they're talking about and we wouldn't listen anyway. So ladies, hold up your vodka bottles, put on those heels, and do your hair and make-up all pretty like because tonight we're sleeping alone and waking up in a puddle of drool making babies!!!!!

Disclaimer: BF and I are NOT making babies, its physically impossible and quite frankly a horrible horrible idea. We've done enough damage to the world already by procreating in the past and producing way too many offspring with other people.


  1. Very nice as always! But the black ops thing ..... I shut it off and chased you upstairs! !!! Sell when the round was over

  2. I agree you have brought sexy back in a big way. Great story as always.