Thursday, April 14, 2011

Hog Tying and Smelly Feet

There is a rodeo in my house every morning. At 6:35 the gate flies open and Pheobe runs down the hall with me hot on her tail. Once in the living room I wrestle her to the floor to commence taking off her pjs and change her diaper. This whole process all too much resembles trying to hog tie a calf. I'm still waiting for my gold buckle. I've got it down to 30.2 seconds. She squirms and kicks, screams and hisses. Once her pjs are off its time for the diaper change while she does her best impression of an alligator death roll. Done! Win! i rock this shit! And away she goes yelling "Nakie!!!" as she streaks down the hall once again. I scoop up her clothes and take off after her.

Let me just tell you, it is NOT easy to dress a 2 year old who is in perpetual forward motion without feeling like you might accidentally strangle her with the neck of her shirt. It's about this point when I start going over the story I'm going to use when I end up having to call 911. "Well you see, I just got the shirt over her head when she took off like a bullet..." Then I suddenly remember that BF would probably be the one picking up the 911 call. "Baby," I would say "It happened". No excuse necessary, he's seen the whole process before.

But somehow, every morning, she survives and my future in prison is put at bay once again. She is fully dressed and we are heading out the door by 7am. Once we are all in the car we head out and head south to the daycare. Everyone is dressed I think I forgot to put on underwear, again, fed I forgot my egg samich on the counter, and ready. About a half mile from the daycare a sock goes whizzing by my head. And then another one. "Stinky feet!" Great. Thank you Pheobe. I look back and there she is, after everything we just went through, shoes and socks off with her pant legs pulled up above her knees waving her feet around.

The rest of the drive is spent pretending to smell her feet declaring, "I have never smelled anything so horrible in my life!" And so our mornings go, in a twilight zone of hog tying and smelly feet. I swear tomorrow I am super gluing her shoes to her feet.


  1. I thought I had thwarted my 2nd son's nekkie stage by allowing him 5 minuted of full on nudie beauty before bed. It seemed to work and we made it past the naked 2's. All it did was post pone it. He is now 4 and his outfit of choice (when at home) is just his underwear. All the time. No jammies. No play clothes. Just undied. Jeesh.

    Margaret (@goodbadfamily)

  2. Oh man. I have this same battle with my just turned 3 year old. He always wants me to sniff his "stinky piggies" too.
    Fun times.