Wednesday, April 13, 2011

If I Get Kicked in the Balls.....A 4yr old's perspective

So there we are, as we usually are at dinner time, sitting around the dinner table...eating. Surprise! Normally dinner is spent strong arming and threatening to beat  the minions into eating at least 1/3 of their dinner. And that's about it. Nothing exciting. Usually more exhausting than anything. So there we are, still, trying to eat when Theo looks up at me "Mommy," he says "when someone kicks you in the balls do they kick right here?" *points between his eyes* *silence all around* And so the conversation begin

ME: Um, you mean your eye balls?

THEO: No mommy, your balls! If you get kicked in the BALLS do they kick you right here? *points between eyes again*

BF: *commences spasms*

ME: Well, not exactly.

THEO: But if they kick you in the balls it's right here. *again pointing between his eyes*

ME: *prays to God* Please God don't let this be happening now. He's only 4 and I'm totally not ready for anatomy lessons. I swear if you make him ask me about the birds and bees next I'm going to come up there and kick you in your holy bits. With all do respect.

THEO: Mommy! Balls! What happens when you get kicked in the balls????

BF: *turns back on conversation with increasing spasms*

ME: *deep breath* Your balls aren't on your head.

THEO: Huh?

ME: Your balls are by your penis.

THEO: My penis?!?!?!?!

BF: *spurts out violent giggles*

ME: Yes, by your penis. *holding back junior giggles* They're part of your penis.

THEO: My penis has balls?

ME: *oh good lord, I can't handle this.* *giggle* *I can't believe how many times I just said penis* *giggle*

THEO: Why?

BF: *now almost all the way to floor with laughter*

ME: Well.....*fuck*

THEO: *confused look* Why would someone want to kick me in the penis?

ME: *crickets*

BF: *pretty sure he's going to die of laughter*

ME: *looks at BF* Ok smart ass, you have a go at it! You're the one with the penis, not me.

BF: Theo, if you get kicked in the balls you get get kicked in the ding ding.

THEO: *look of bewilderment* Oh.

ME and BF: *done* *laughing so hard we're almost crying*

THEO: *Obviously even more confused, gets up and walks away*

So there you have it. I'm a 31 year old mother of 2 and I can't even have a conversation about penis' and getting kicked in the balls without dying of laughter. I'm so mature.

1 comment:

  1. ROFL!

    Ah, Brandi, you don’t know how many time I wanted to “kick someone in the balls” when my boys came home asking me questions that were so not age appropriate! My husband would say, “You get this one, MOM.” As if I didn’t get ALL of them, the wuss.

    I would answer with, “What do YOU think it is?” Just to find out HOW much they knew or, hopefully DIDN’T know!