Tuesday, September 7, 2010

I Think I'm Done With Pee

In my house, aside from 2 devil possessed children, there are 4 fantastically furry cats. The two oldest are brother and sister, and I regret to say that they managed to have a litter together before they could get fixed. But that’s totally normal in the animal kingdom right? Right? Any who, the other two are mother and son. The mother came to us as a knocked up alley cat. Her name, Putana. It’s Greek for slut. Perfect.
After Putana came into the house and decided to give birth under my couch my oldest female decided that was the perfect time to start peeing……on everything. She pees on toys, dishes, backpacks, bathmats, blankets, clean clothes, dirty clothes……..me. You name it, she has peed on it. I was dealing ok with it until she peed on my last week.
I heard scratching in the kids playroom so I poked my head in to see what was going on. There she was with her furry butt in the box of Thomas the Train toys. I flew across the room and snatched her up! Did you know that cats, much like infants, don’t stop peeing when you pick them up? Neither did I. I looked down and saw yellow cat pee running down my leg onto my foot (so glad I don’t wear shoes in the house). We zip through the toy room, through the kitchen, down the hallway, and into the laundry room where the cat box is. She was done by the time we got there, and there was a nice long stream following us through all the rooms.
“This is the last straw, you’re done!” I yelled. One week later and she’s still here.
After the shock of being peed on wore off and a shower was had, it was time for bed. All minions were tucked in for the night and I was on my way there. I snuggle down into the middle of my bed, surrounded by big fluffy pillows and drift off to dream land……or so I thought.
“Mommy. Mommy. Mommy……….I has to pee.” says a little voice from next to the night stand. I reluctantly roll out of bed and pick my son up. “You have to pee?” “Yup.” “Ok.” And down the stairs we head. Half way down I feel my side get really warm. Really really warm. “Theo? Did you just pee on me?” “Uh huh.” Awesome. Did you know that 3 year olds, much like cats, don’t stop peeing on you even after you ask them about it? Neither did I.
Twice, twice in less than 6 hours. By two different beings. By two different species even. Just my luck. I am officially done with pee and taking applications for volunteers who would like to get peed on. Pheobe starts potty training in less than a year so if this position can be filled by then it would be great. Thanks.


  1. How funny- I just got an 'Adult Material' content warning to get on your blog! lol (I'm looking for THAT post! haha)
    Girl I have an 1 oops rule. All pets get 1 oops, time 2 they get kicked outside. I had Shih tzu 'babies' that DESTROYED my first house, it stunk to high heaven and I vowed never again. The kid however? Why on earth do you have to go down a flight of stairs to a bathroom?!? invest in a kid potty for 'emergencies'. But don't kick the kid outside, Just sayin' ;-)

  2. I know, Blogger is all "OMG THIS IS ADULT SHIT RUN AWAY." I'm all "I know this woman, Blogger, shut your fucking pie hole and let me in." Blogger was all "BUT WAIT WHAT IF SHE SAYS A BAD WORD OR MENTIONS SEXING?" and I was all "THAT'S WHY I'M HERE, ASSHOLE NOW LET ME IN."

    I swear I will strangle Blogger right in the face.

    As for the pee...well I mean, I'm done with *doing* peeing after the Monday I had, but, if you ever really miss it, or for some reason feel the need to have your stuff peed on and the kids & cats are not accommodating, I could maybe pee on your couch? I may also be willing to leave a trail down a hallway. Maybe.