Penis

The other day I looked at my son who wasa pulling on his penis. When I asked him if he had to pee he said no, and walked away. He came back into the room 5 minutes later doing the same thing. "Theo, do you have to pee?" "No Mommy." And off he went again only to return in another 5 minutes.  This time his penis was hanging out over the top of his pants.  "Theo, what are you doing?" "My penis was hiding." "Hiding?" "Yes, in my pants." "What is it doing now?" He looks down. "Nothing," and walks away.

A few days later my son kept running into the kitchen with his penis hanging out over his pants yelling, "PENIS" while shaking it around.  My conclusion, he penis was done hiding and wanted to play peek a boo.  I asked no questions that day, instead I pretended to act suprised everytime he came around the corner yelling "PENIS!"

First off....the dirty sock.

I have been planning a birthday party for my husband for the past month.  Well it's not really a "birthday" party so much as a "last day of your 20's" party.  He had told me that he didn't want a party for his 30th because it was depressing (he's a little broken up about having to 'grow up').  The party was originally a suprise party.  I was doing so well with it too.  I had sent out event invitations on Facebook, covertly contacted non-Facebook users, and researched his present without his knowing.  I had even organized it so there would be a roast in his honor.  We were all going to raise our whiskey shot glasses and insult him until he cried from laughing so hard.  Beer Pong Tournament with prizes along with a fun game of Pin the Goatee on Mike.  Hot damn this was going to be a good time!

I don't think I ever mentioned that Mike is from Staten Island, NY.  He's a New Yorker through and through with his top life ideals being "Lie, Cheat, and Steal".  He's that guy who can argue himself out of a paper bag and then win you over so that you'll want to buy him a drink afterwards.  He's also the master of deception.  This is how his birthday party became unsuprising.

I was aproached, well cornered, in the bathroom by Mike while I was giving the other kids a bath.  He had talked to his mother earlier that day and she wanted to know what was going on this weekend.  He was playing it up like she had spilled the beans about the party, complete with her backtracking.  I couldn't believe that she had done that, I was pissed! Now i know that my husband's family doesn't always like the things I do, but I couldn't figure out why she would spill the beans about the party.

Come to find out, she never knew....I'm just married to the sneakiest bastard alive!  He now knew, this could only mean one thing....nothing was going to go as planned.  Mike needs everything the way he wants it.  The plan was a BBQ with games and keeping everyone outside so that he would have a place to escape to...inside.  He is always saying that he is ok with having people over as long as he has a place to escape to so he would prefer that they were outside.

For the 24 hours after he found out about the party he was beyond excited that I had put in so much thought into his birthday. He was posting it all over Facebook and all smiles when I saw him.  He was walking on cloud 9........until he got into his head that he wanted to watch the UFC Pay-Per-View.  It all went downhill from there.  Suddenly I was in the wrong for ever thinking that a suprise party would be good for him.  Not only that, but a suprise party full of people he didn't really know (I invited mutual friends and people he worked with, that he knows).  He was also mad because I didn't give him a place to escape to.  His logic was that ordering the pay-per-view gave him the option to come inside....inside his own house....because he needs a reason to come in.  Another arguement was that he didn't want something that revolved around him.

One of my main reasons for not wanting to order the PPV, my parents were going to be in town....they sleep in the living room....where the TV is.....the TV that we watch PPV's on.  I had expressed that it wasn't fair to them if we are watching TV while they are trying to sleep.  We don't have a guest room and because of my father's weight having him walk down the wood stairs in the middle of the night to use the bathroom is not fair.  These arguements..... were treated as null and void.
After hours of banging heads about the subject I canceled the bbq I had planned and let him take the reigns.  He ended up ordering the PPV and planning a bbq.  I was talked in to beliving that I was the one in the wrong  for ever planning a party for him that he didn't have control over.  We currently have a house full of people in our livingroom.....not outside.....he has no escape......yes, this is my husband in a nutshell.

Putting The Clothes On The Floor

I am a Mom. I have been for 3 1/2 years and there's no way of getting around it. I have a feeling this crazy thing called motherhood is going to continue right through to the end. Oh the stories I'll have by then! First up is Theo, my little man. He's 3 1/2 and recently discovered his attitude. I'm not really sure who told him he was allowed to have one, but when I asked him if he had permission he told me flat out, "Yes Mommy." The conversation ended there, he has permission, Mommy has been overruled. Next up is Pheobe, aka The Devil Wears Pigtales. She's one and didn't think it was fair that her brother got to have an attitude and she didn't.....she now has an attitude that trumps Theo's. I tried to bring up the attitude in conversation with her one day, she looked at me and spit out a Cheerio. And so ended that conversation. Good talk little girl, good talk. The final part to this equation is Mike, my oldest. He's going to be 30 on Sunday, he's also my husband. His therapist and his sister (who is also a therapist) both say that he is mentally stuck at about 15 years old. This is why I feel it only fair that I add him into the child line up. I'm guessing my need to marry a "15 year old" comes from a lack of "serious" relationships in high school. Now if only he would take me to the prom. My friends, family, and my own therapist say that you can't make up half the stuff that happens in my house. This blog is to share with the rest of you my crazy life. You'll hear it all from Pheobe trying to fill all the tupperwear with poop to Theo telling me that he's "got this one" when Pheobe is screaming. For all you Mom's out there that need a little help remembering that life really is commical, this blog's for you!