Monday, December 20, 2010

Someone injected evil into my children, I know it.

This is what I'm picturing. My kids are sleeping soundly in their beds. All is quiet in the house. Despite having the doors locked a little troll finds its way into the house through the drier vent. Up the stairs he creeps and into Pheobe's room first. Because it is a crib all he has to do is reach his stubby arm through the side. He takes out a large syringe filled with green Goo and squirts it in her nose. This way you can't tell the difference between the Goo and the boogers. He then sneaks down the hall to Theo's room. He has to climb on the bed to get to Theo because its a full sized bed. He does the same thing in Theo's nose as he did Pheobe. Then the little bastard sneaks back down stairs. And just like pulling a fire alarm as he shoots up the vent he wakes the kids.

And that's how it happens. That's how a sleeping mommy who is dreaming of sun filled days on a beach on Maui is suddenly faced with 2 screaming children who won't stop.2 screaming children who she swears have red eyes and are talking in tongues.

The rest of a day that starts like that is spent trying to figure out the right words for an add on Craigslist. The add would be how I can sell myself as a mail order bride to an old man in his 80's who can't even get it up anymore. If you thought I was going to sell my children you were wrong. That's highly illegal and I would never do such a thing. I would rather get post cards from family members begging me to come back and take care of my demon children.
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